By REED NELSON
Hypebeast is a website dedicated mostly to fashion, but also to anything perceived as fashionable. This can include art, cool architecture, cars or anything else that wouldn’t seem out of place in the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous reboot. It also reports on people that the members of this community find interesting.
These attributes are not unusual. What is unusual about Hypebeast is the way that the Hypebeasts interact with each other. They hate each other, mostly, but they like most of the same things. They call each other names like “fuccboi” and “douchbag” and constantly defend their hyperbolic claims by claiming the offended party was simply “butthurt.”
In other words, the comment thread on Hypebeast is like the back of a Prince album, but if Prince’s songs cared about fashion with obscene fervor, each one thought the other’s style was whack and they all shouted these two things at each other 24 hours a day.
That’s why I wanted to breakdown a particularly toxic section of Hypebeast comment section. In bold are the unedited (assume sic whenever it’s in bold, it would’ve required too many sic‘s to insert them everywhere. Hypebeast.) comments from a thread discussing a recent announcement/release made by a small-ish magazine. Not in bold are comments regarding the comments. That’s the guide for The Hypebeast Comment Section Breakdown Or A Modern Eductaion In Socio-Religious Politics.
(Yes the title changed. But only because it felt right.)
And here’s the thread, in media res, presented with tons of comment, because promises…
OhRyanT: She looks like a holocaust survivor.
(Mr. OhRyanT is trying to get up-voted in the comment section. He’s using what he considers to be humor in his attempt at this ascension. A previously ascended comment, from Mr. motasakah read, “these are the unphotoshopped Justin Bieber Calvin Klein Ads.” It had over 450 up-votes, and it would appear that Mr. OhRyanT is attempting to reach similar heights. Predictably, people didn’t find his comment as funny…)
RIP Malcolm X: What a dumb thing to say.
(This is logical. What Mr. OhRyanT said was dumb. And insensitive. And factually inaccurate. And lots of other things associated with negativity. A moral high ground has been established, and Mr. OhRyanT is entrenched beneath it. How will he attempt to scale the walls of shame?)
OhRyanT: Sorry I hurt your feelings…
(By apologizing of course. The sincerity becomes questionable with the inclusion of an ellipsis, however. And, also, with the inclusion of the phrase, “Sorry I hurt your feelings.” That would imply that Mr. RIP Malcolm X’s feelings’ were the primary issue in the waxing feud. Had Mr. OhRyanT simply said, “You’re right dude, my bad,” things probably wouldn’t escalate from here, but he didn’t. Had he deleted his comment — a maneuver that would have caught Mr. RIP Malcolm X off guard and rendered his comment both out of context and confusing — that probably would’ve been best. But that’s not Mr. OhRyanT’s style. He prefers oddly personal apologies to comments offensive on a macro level.)
RIP Malcolm X: You didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, even Jewish people wouldn’t be offended by you making a fool of yourself.
If it helps, you’re likely one of those tools who doesn’t know how to think before speaking(typing).
(Mr. RIP Malcolm X is probably half-right. A Jewish person probably wouldn’t be totally offended by the comment, but mostly because a Jewish person could theoretically reason that Mr. OhRyanT isn’t the brightest, most historically-informed individual on the internet — I did. They could also take solace in the fact that Mr. RIP Malcolm X is handling the situation. And “Jewish people” on a whole would absolutely not be offended by an individual making a fool of themselves on the internet. That is not a patently offensive thing. But what Mr. OhRyanT said was pretty offensive, so I imagine that at least a few people wouldn’t have been thrilled with the association.)
frikko96: congrats on being the most boring dude on hb.
(Mr. frikko96 is simply congratulating Mr. RIP Malcolm X for being exceedingly boring within the world of Hypebeast, although giving one the title of “the most boring dude on hb” is kind of like talking about “the least weird person who has seen every episode of Dr. Who” or “the most illogical of Michael Bay plotlines.” In other words, being the most boring dude on Hypebeast still means that you might say something like, “if you don’t like aspics [presumed sic], get the fuck off this site, and after you get off this sight go stick you’re head in a barrel of liquified gummy bears till you cant breathe nemore.”)
Dillon: you’re way too easily offended if you cant take a bad joke, faggot
(Mr. Dillon’s feelings on Mr. RIP Malcolm X are easily parsed in this comment, but Mr. Dillon’s reasoning for interjecting is unclear. For instance, why would he take such offense to an attempted correction of an offensive statement? Or why did he omit the apostrophe between the “n” and the “t” in the word “cant,” while properly inserting a comma before the word, “faggot”? Additionally, why is Mr. Dillon’s derogatory word choice such? Surely a resident of the internet has more than just a few stock slurs, so why choose one so drastically unrelated to the initial comment-under-fire? It’s a risky troll move, pivoting away from an OG inflammatory realm, and Mr. Dillon chose a homophobic route. His comment was essentially ignored, however, which probably says something. What that something is, as with Mr. Dillon’s motivation for posting in the first place, is again unclear.)
OhRyanT: Tell me why my comment was dumb then? I also like you call me dumb then proceed to say only Jewish people will not get offended where there were more than Jews in camps.
(Mr. OhRyanT is posturing here. In addition to his efforts to ascertain motivation behind the “dumb” label Mr. RIP Malcolm X slapped across his forehead a few comments earlier, he is also trying to establish that Mr. RIP Malcolm X is dumb too. Mr. RIP Malcolm X is dumb, according to Mr. OhRyanT, because he is ignoring certain populations of WWII concentration camps.
Also, Mr. OhRyanT’s syntax is wild. He writes, “I also like you call me dumb then proceed to say only Jewish people will not get offended where there were more than Jews in camps.” The first quarter of that sentence is incredible. With the insertion of punctation, it could mean a million things. Some examples: “I also, like you, call me dumb…” would mean that Mr. OhRyanT calls himself dumb in addition to Mr. RIP Malcolm X calling the aforementioned dumb. “I also like you, call me dumb…” would imply that both Mr. OhRyanT and Mr. RIP Malcolm X like each other, but also that whatever was following the pre-comma clause might make Mr. OhRyanT sound dumb. Call me crazy… “I also like you. Call me dumb, …” means basically the same thing as the previous alternative, but has a different tone. “I also. Like, you call me dumb…” sounds kind of like something happened in the previous comment that Mr. OhRyanT would’ve agreed with, but also that something had been said that didn’t make sense. Like, you said you were at the movies, but you were liking people’s Instagrams the whole time… Anyways. Punctuation.
Side note: Mr. OhRyanT is very offended by the word “dumb.” For all the insane words thrown around Hypebeast comment sections, “dumb” seems to be stirring up a significant amount of ire. How “doody-head” “four-eyes” or the word “sinchy” would be received is unknown. These words have yet to be used in a comment section on Hypebeast, at least to my knowledge. End of side note.)
RIP Malcolm X: Yes there were..yet we all are smart enough to know the Mass majority were Jewish.
(Mr. RIP Malcolm X is trying to gain crowd support by assuming a baseline of intelligence. In this case, that baseline incorporates some pretty grim shit.
Two things, both coming at the risk of sounding like I’m choosing sides: Prior to the ellipses, Mr. RIP Malcolm X uses two words with high screw-up potential, and nails them both. He follows this feat up by not including a space between the ellipses and the word “yet,” which is very confusing. Also, while his grammar is solid, his capitalization choice is — and will continue to be — suspect. Currently, his choice to capitalize “Mass” makes the observation a period away from essentially stating that the Royal We thought that the majority of the population of Massachusetts was Jewish. Clarity is important in flame wars.)
OhRyanT: Why does that matter? Only Jews matter because they were the majority? Got it bro.
(This is potentially the strangest moment of the exchange. Yes, Mr. OhRyanT has gone from using the plight of the victims’ of an unspeakable atrocity in a lame attempt at humor to now defending a vague under-acknowledged subgroup of those same victims. Going toes with Mr. OhRyanT in a comment battle is proving to be like the Kobayashi Maru of logical debate. It’s verging on legendary.
RIP Malcolm X: I love when douchebags feel stupid for saying something dumb, ignorant, but then try to act like they’re good people by telling the other person they’re messed up.
You’re struggling, maybe next time just don’t say something that neither was funny nor thought out.
(It’s officially escalated. Until this point, Mr. OhRyanT was merely “dumb” in the eyes of Mr. RIP Malcolm X. From here on out, Mr. OhRyanT is now a “douchebag.” That’s a new level. Or it should be. For some reason, the “dumb” label is particularly resonant, or at the very least has built up some sort of teflon shield of Dumb that is now attempting to deflect all other insults attempting to glom onto Mr. OhRyanT.)
OhRyanT: I don’t feel stupid, you just want to show people you are better than everyone else by acting all high and mighty and saying I am a tool for a holocaust joke. “Look at me, I have high morals, I’m a good person, give me attention”. the ironic part is that you claim to be the good person, but then say I am a douchebag, a tool, dumb, and ignorant because I made a joke. Just look at your name and tell me you are not trying to show how much of a good person you are to everyone. RIP Malcolm X? Really? Pray for Gaza? you are one of those people who sits on the Internet and thinks typing a few words is going to do something. It’s a joke, don’t get so fucking butthurt.
(Mr. OhRyanT has transitioned into full Troll Mode. He was content with short retorts to this point, but something about the words “dumb” and “douchebag” apparently doesn’t sit right with him. Full Troll Mode involves personal attacks, assumed knowledge of personal history and lots of “butthurts.”
Also, and again, just to be clear, Mr. OhRyanT is now equating Mr. RIP Malclom X’s use of the word “dumb” to his attempt to associate a person born after the year 1990 with a holocaust victim. So there’s that.)
RIP Malcolm X: Wait so in your idiotic mind you feel that calling out a distasteful holocaust joke which again wasn’t even close to humorous, is acting better than other people? Also I never claimed I was a good person, But I do know you’re a pos.
Um I’m Muslim so I have an attachment to Palestine, Malcolm X is my hero so I put his name up so everyone remembers the name.
Any more attempts at covering up your idiocy or are you done?
(He’s getting heated now. Notice the weird “But” capitalization and the lack of commas in the opening sentence. The trolling is working, as made evident by the lack of attacks Mr. RIP Malcolm X is firing at Mr. OhRyanT. Nearly everything in this comment is said in response to a previous assertion or statement made by the latter.)
OhRyanT: Yea I figured you were muslim by the way you got butthurt over a joke. Since jihadist Muslims got butthurt over a cartoon and murdered 16 people. 2000 people were murdered in Nigeria. Where is your “Pray for Nigeria” picture? Oh I forgot, they were murdered by people who believe in the same God as you. and btw, Malcolm X hated white people and believed in segregation. But since he was Muslim, you are going to go ahead and pray for him right? I’m going to call people pieces of shit, but my religion is a religion of peace! Hilarious.
(Here come the personal attacks again. Mr. OhRyanT has somehow gone on the offensive — think the Confederacy improbably reaching Gettysburg — and is turning his hate up to 11. At this point, nothing is off-limits to Mr. OhRyanT. While that was merely an assumed trait prior to this point, his willingness to throw around ultra-recent tragedies like they’re simple shoplifting solecisms is radical confirmation.
And for those wondering, “butthurt” used to be just a marginally offensive term used in locker rooms to describe overly emotive behavior in response to a joke. Now, it is apparently a feeling that can trigger any range of terrible things, from defending genocide-insensitive internet comments to killing thousands of people in a genocide. It’s a versatile word often deployed by the Hypebeast community, and in particular, Mr. OhRyanT. And with great dexterity, might I add.)
RIP Malcolm X: Yeah because I’m getting butt hurt because you’re being ignorant towards Jewish people I”m a stereotypical Muslim? You keep digging a hole of illogical stupidity.
I didn’t realize I needed a pray for Nigeria picture to care for it, that’s wild. They believe in my God, but they’re not my kin, they’d be more like you than me easily.
Actually you clearly know nothing about him but that’s white privilege for you.
(A flaw in your argument, Mr. RIP Malcolm X. Trolls don’t dig holes. They float like tethered balloons.)
OhRyanT: Comparing me to those of your religion who killed 2000 people because I made a joke. Religion of peace huh?
(Mr. OhRyanT has found a number that he feels bears repeating. So he’s going to. Also, this is where Mr. RIP Malcolm X finally realizes that he’s not arguing with a person, he’s arguing with an organic-based life form resembling a person that enjoys only the sorrow of others. He then taps out.)
And that’s basically the extent of the comment section from “Miley Cyrus Goes Full Frontal For V Magazine” on Hypebeast.