By REED NELSON
11:59 a.m. — Welcome to the SkoDucks LiveBlog, Week 8! This week’s opponent is Colorado, the primary tenant in the basement of the Pac-12. Our boy Yogi Roth, my favorite male sideline reporter not named Sager, has just called Kenjon Barner, “Dwarner” while talking to Chip Kelly and we’re off to a good start.
12:08 p.m. — We’re off to an even better start. Kenjon Barner takes it 52 yards on five carries for a touchdown. This could be really easy for the Ducks today. #JustSayin’. Oregon 7, Colorado 0.
12:13 p.m. — After Avery Patterson a.k.a. “That’s my ball, punk” comes up with a fumble recovery. Cue the DAT touchdown andddddddd we’re good because DAT’s off the schnide. Oregon 14, Colorado 0.
12:31 p.m. — Sorry for the slow posts in the early going. Traffic around the stadium was a nightmare. However, after another anemic Colorado drive, Oregon got the ball back, and Marcus Mariota proceeded to hit Kenjon Barner for a wide-open 40-yard wheel pass. Mariota then finished the job. Call him Kyra Sedgewick, ’cause he just closes. Or call him by his real name. Say it with me, Mary-OH-Tah. Oregon 21, Colorado 0, 6:56 to play in the first quarter.
12:33 p.m. — And the student section is already empty. Less than nine minutes into the game. Sweeeeeet.
12:38 p.m. — Colorado punts again. In related news, that’s the title of their 2012 Yearbook, “Colorado Punts Again, A Buffalo Story.”
12:39 p.m. — Go. Go! GO! GOOOOOO!!!!!!! Kenjon Barner takes it 70+ yards to the house, but it gets called back. Of course. And the hold had no effect on the play. Barner could’ve used that home run for his New York trip.
12:44 p.m. — Mariota equalizes the universe’s mistake, hits Bralon Addison on a 16-yard play-action pass. Oregon 28, Colorado 0, 1:44 to play in the first quarter.
12:46 p.m. — Before the Ducks kick this one of, here’s an interesting stat: Jordan Webb has started the game 6 of 6. Even more interesting? It doesn’t matter at all. Seriously. Oregon has hung 28 points on Colorado in less than 12 minutes of play. The most telling number at this point, however? 5:56. That’s Oregon’s time of possession at the moment. They’ve had the ball for a minute less than Colorado, but are averaging an insane 4.67 points per minute of possession at the moment. It’s a rate that is unsustainable, sure, but it’s fun work with. At this rate, if Oregon had the ball for just 23 minutes and 42 seconds (just 39 percent of the action), they’ll score 110 points. Chew on that one.
12:51 p.m. — First quarter stat update: Kenjon Barner — 7 rushes, 64 yards and a TD. De’Anthony Thomas — 4 rushes, 84 yards and a TD. Marcus Mariota — 6 of 8 passing for 98 yards and a TD; 3 rushes, 19 yards and another TD.
12: 58 p.m. — Bring on the backups. Just 48 minutes of real time after the opening kickoff, Oregon goes up 35 on a 24 yard TD run by Barner. The only hindrance to his Heisman hopes might be the inability of Oregon’s opponents to keep it close. Through just 18 minutes of game clock, Barner has 103 yards and two TDs on nine carries. DAT has 97 yards on five carries. Between the two of them, they’ve ran for 200 yards in just over a quarter of action. There’s a reason that third string RB Byron Marshall has had carry numbers that rival some pass-first offense’s running backs. Oregon 35, Colorado 0, 12:36 to play in the second quarter.
1:05 p.m. — Adam Archuletta loves saying “Eric Bieniemy.” Fact. But so do I. And so does Lil’ Wayne, “In the middle of the war, where my enemy at/I’m runnin’ this sh*t like an Eric Bieniemy back.” And so does DAT!! Highlight to come, I promise. DAT takes a punt off the hop, breaks one tackle, takes it to the sideline, waits for his blocks to set up, and, in the words of Mr. Archuletta, “Hits the whiskey throttle,” and blows by the feeble Colorado punt coverage. Talk about off the schnide, that was a Heisman Moment. I could make a slump-busting joke, but that would be beneath me (No it wouldn’t, I just couldn’t think of anything. DAT’s run was a bit distracting). And, apparently, DAT’s “country strong.” Okie doke. Oregon 42, Colorado 0, 11:06 to play in the second quarter.
1:11 p.m. — Make a wish! DAT’s return is still playing through my cerebral cortex with a distracting vengeance, but poor Joe Webb. He’s 7 for 11 passing for just 32 yards. It’s not like he’s making bad decisions — it’s that there aren’t any good decisions to be made. It’s like Oregon is playing the Calgary Stampeder’s minor league team (would they be the Meanderers?). Seriously. It’s like their playing a different game out there. It’s almost as if Colorado is searching for plexi-glass retainer boards and trampolines. On their last punt, a gunner swatted a ball like Logan Tom. That’s a penalty, good sir.
1:15 p.m. — It looks like KB and DAT are done for the day, too, at least in primary duty. Barner is done for sure with two-and-a-half quarters to play. His Heisman candidacy is hinging upon like 8 minutes of field time a game. It’s unbelievable.
1:18 p.m. — Mariota hits Daryle Hawkins for a seven-yard TD. Mariota has to be done at this point. Chip wants to get him some reps prior to USC, but this isn’t helping. It’s like three hours of lay-up practice in preparation for a showdown with Duke. Mariota, Barner and Thomas have yet to play in a full game. You know that Seth Doege kid from Texas Tech? I’m sure Mariota could toss seven scores if anyone could stay with Oregon for even three quarters. Oregon 49, Colorado 0, 6:16 to play in the second quarter.
1:21 p.m. — And USC is down 10 in the first quarter. Not good. And maybe it’s in honor of Halloween, but Colorado is playing like a group of satisfied zombies. No energy, no synergy and no hunger.
1:28 p.m. — Bryan Bennett sighting. Prediction: This could be the game where Bennett finally looks like the Bryan Bennett of old.
1:31 p.m. — Yup. Bennett, in his first drive, rushes the ball four times for 41 yards and caps it with a five-yard design-draw. Oregon 56, Colorado 0, :20 to play in the second quarter.
1:33 p.m. — HALFTIME UPDATE:
Score: Oregon 56, Colorado 0.
Stats: Kenjon Barner — 103 yards and two touchdowns on 9 carries; two receptions for 47 yards. De’Anthony Thomas — 97 yards and a TD on five carries; one reception for nine yards and a 73-yard punt return TD. Marcus Mariota — 10 of 14 for 136 yards and two TDs; 19 yards and a TD on four carries. Josh Huff — 49 yards on four receptions. Bryan Bennett — 41 yards and a TD on four carries.
1:35 p.m. — Promised highlight:
1:56 p.m. — We’re back, although I’m not sure how much more you — or I — could possibly endure of this madness. And apparently Jon Embree, Colorado’s coaching guru, has decided that Jordan Webb was the problem. He’s pulled the junior in favor of Nick Hirschman, which is like blaming Hurricane Katrina on the residents of New Orleans. The kid was 7 of 11. Colorado’s just not any good.
2:04 p.m. — Colorado scored! Down goes Frasier! Down goes Frasier! They’re a field goal shy of the cover. Let the Ducks’ weekly second game begin. Oregon 56, Colorado 7, 9:41 to play in the third.
2:10 p.m. — Oh no. The curse of the second unit strikes again. This time its Ayele Forde, the sophomore running back, who sucks on the cough drop. And Colorado capitalizes. Bye, bye cover for now. Oh, and Hirschman statement redacted for now. The kid’s put up an aided 14 points for the Buffs. Oregon 56, Colorado 14, 8:02 to play in the third.
2:20 p.m. — After a season of waiting, Bennett shows off the arm that he has been rumored to have since his high school days, hitting BJ Kelley for 27 yards, which set up the Oregon O with a first-and-goal at the one. Bennett than shook the lone Colorado defensive lineman that didn’t bite on his play-fake and sauntered into the endzone. I’ll let the 15-yard Taunting penalty slide, but I bet Chip won’t. Oregon 63, Colorado 14, 3:55 to play in the third.
2:26 p.m. — Jinx is in. Hirschman negates an idiotic 15-yard Targeting penalty called on Oregon by throwing an interception to the Ducks’ Derrick Malone. The play-by-play team has let us know that Oregon leads the Pac-12 with “108 takeaways” which just can’t be right. On a reality based note, the interception was Oregon’s 16th of the season (they’ve taken four back for scores). They’ve also forced 11 fumbles, four by Ifo Ekpre Olomu. I’d be willing to wager that a large reason that Oregon has played at a level so much higher than their opposition is their ability to take the ball when they want the ball; they’re first in the Pac-12 and third in the nation in takeaways.
2:30 p.m. — Bennett converts the Malone interception into a TD by taking another read-option to the house, this time for 17 yards, his third score of the game. Since checking in in the second quarter, Bennett has ran for 73 yards on 10 carries, and was 3 of 3 for 30 yards in the air. Oregon 70, Colorado 14, 1:00 to play in the third.
2:40 p.m. — Dustin Hanes, a junior QB from right here in Eugene, just checked into the game… and leads the Ducks to a first down off the bat!
2:44 p.m. — Mark the date, 10-27-12. An announcer, with a pulse, on a network that is actually on TV, has just made note of the notion that Kenjon Barner and Marcus Mariota might not have actually played a full game this season, and that their stats might indeed be negatively affected by that notion.
2:55 p.m. — DAT looks like Omar Little. I can’t get over it.
3:06 p.m. — Even Colorado has subbed out the starters. Put it in the books, Colorado looked shell-shocked from the opening kick-off, unable to handle the Autzen Homecoming crowd, the Oregon offense or the Oregon defense. Oregon 70, Colorado 14.