BIPWCTA: Coach K goes to Seattle, learns about Hipsters, Duck hate and bread

By KENNY SHELTON

The view from Coach K’s seat at CenturyLink.

OK folks, time for another installment of the Black In Predominantly White College Town Allegiance (BIPWCTA).

This past weekend I took my talents to Seattle to watch the Seahawks and my compadre, LB Bobby Wagner DESTROY(14 tackles) my team the NE Patriots, and couldn’t have had a better time — for both the enjoyment of the event and the accompanying learning process.

On top of being casually mistaken for a Duck football player (credit the fly Oregon Ducks crewneck I was stylin’) the Seattleites — namely sourpuss UW fans, I suspect — took it the pseudo-recognition to the next level.

Not only was heckling as common as cuffed hipster pants1, but the animosity seemed to be at an all time high.

One highly intoxicated gentleman thought it would be funny to throw bread at me while quacking. I was impressed with his originality, but the act wore thin.

After I told him he’d better save his bread for what could be a long, cold season for Husky fans, he was livid. The dude tried to fight me… Alright, I may have embellished a bit. I used the term “fight” loosely, but its the same concept behind the Huskies calling us “Rivals” — it makes for better ratings.

I know, I know, UW suffered an embarrassing defeat to the the mighty Ducks not two weeks ago and for the past couple (or 9) years, I figured there’s been no need to beef with me over athletic superiority, but I was mistaken.

So I impart to you, the potentially life-saving skills of how to diffuse a hostile situation when you’re BIPWCT.

1. Always be quick on your feet. Have a few comebacks/ zingers on hand in case of emergency. REMEMBER: You can only recycle a few time before they’re no good.

2. Stay calm. Adversaries lose their head when you don’t lose yours.

3. Choose you’re battles wisely. You can’t try to fight everyone that rubs you the wrong way. That’s bad for business.

4. Learn to smile through the bullshit. Cuss em out in your head, but do it with a smile.

5. If all else fails, shake the spot and yell “SKODUCKS”

As I plan to embark on another hostile trip into the Arizona desert this week, I’m sure to be tested, but I assure you, I will be on my (somewhat) best behavior. Be on the lookout for live pictures, tweets, and videos as our Ducks trample the Sun Devils this Thursday. #SKODUCKS

Footnotes

  • One of the funniest taunts of the weekend: “HEY YOU!! OREGON DUCK!! YOU’RE NOT A DUCK, YOU’RE A F**KING CHICKEN! BA-QUACCKKK!!” Jump.


Categories: Around the World, Just for fun, Lifestyle, Random Notes

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