By REED NELSON
12:07 p.m. — Welcome to the Tennessee Tech v. Oregon LiveBlog, sorry I’m late, the Cal-Ohio State game has proved to be as intriguing as anyone could’ve hoped. Glad to be here, not so glad to see DAT’s first muffed punt of the season. At least it came against DeVry-er-Tennessee Tech. The ball clearly hit his hand, but as per the usual NCAA replay standard, the refs stand to deliberate over the tape for three hours or so. I’m switching back to Cal. Ohio State just scored and converted the two.
12:17 p.m. — Ouch. Forget Matt Barkley, if Oregon’s defense — sans Boyett — continues to tackle like this, they’ll make Silas Redd look like Marcus Allen. No cause for concern this week (unless, like me, you’ve decided to lay the 50 points and take the Ducks), but next week’s Arizona game could be tough. Oregon 0, TTU 7.
12:22 p.m. — We’ve normalized, Kenjon Barner punches in his 5th of the season. On a Cal-OSU note — way out of my wheelhouse, I know, but bear with me — horrible 3rd down call. And an even worse fourth down call. Field goal kickers are worse than the dentist. Oregon 7, TTU 7.
12:29 p.m. — Isaaaacccccccccccc. Oregon might start treating Tennessee Tech like Tennessee Tech. And a Taylor Hart sighting, folks.
12:34 p.m. — Cameraman fakeout! “The Black Mamba, for 59 yards.” Him and Mariota are the most exciting duo since Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. I know I used that joke last week, but give me credit, I used a new duo.
12:40 p.m. — Taylor Hart is just padding his stats, which is what the defense could use at the moment, bringing up a punt. No hero antics from De’Anthony here.
12:43 p.m. — DAT! DAT! DAT! DAT! DAT! Dattttttttt. De’Anthony Thomas makes Tennessee Tech’s defense look like poorly placed padded pylons, then fumbles on the 1/2 yard-line. Give DAT the 49-yard assist (and I suppose Mariota deserves one for the pass as well, hockey style) on lineman Jake Fisher’s recovery touchdown. Oregon 21, TTU 7.
12:54 p.m. — Oregon takes over at their own 10. I love when they have 90 yards to work with. On a gambling note, I’m 1-0-1 this weekend against the spread. I pushed last night with the eight point WSU (-8) win, and cleaned up on Cal’s (+19) 7-point loss to Ohio State. Keeping my fingers crossed.
1:02 p.m. — Chip Kelly hates gamblers. He has to. Read-option, on fourth-and-one, inside YOUR OWN 30? It’s 50-points Chip! At least we get DAT in the second half. Maybe. Nevermind. Kiko Alonso! Somehow he didn’t take it to the house —he just the QB to beat and like a Buddy Ryan Polish Defense squad blocking front of him. Just wow. But now we get KB. And Colt Lyerla. The talented tight end catches his second touchdown in as many weeks. Oregon 28, TTU 7.
1:09 p.m — Dig the new “Powered By Passion” Pac-12 commercial. Looks like a happy family, none of this New Normal shit.
1:13 p.m. — Andddddd that’s why nobody punts to DAT. Oregon’s offense starts ins the TTU 40 again, but Mariota stares down Lyerla like he wanted to by him a drink and threw his first pick of the game.
1:17 p.m. — DAT gets another shot, and takes it about 40 yards again. Mariota hasn’t been the same cyborgish QB that he has been in the first two games.
1:20 p.m. — Chip! Dammit! HOW DO WE STILL HAVE THIS PROBLEM??????? How are field goals getting blocked against Tennessee-fucking-Tech??? It cost Oregon a shot at the Natty last year, and it looks like they have done nothing to address the issue.
1:24 p.m. — So if Tennessee Tech matters as an opponent, then why did their QB just slide on a read-option, outside the tackle box. That’s some red-jersey, practice silliness.
1:39 p.m. — DAT makes up for his last few dalliances-without-touchdowns by absorbing a hit after his reception and taking it another 10 yards for a score with seven seconds to play in the first half. Oregon 35, TTU 7.
2:04 p.m. — Yogi Roth in the hizzouse. The Yog is as close to Chip as his earpiece during these broadcasts. Oregon was penalized nine times in the first half, and Chip wasn’t happy. A stern talkin’ to was presumably given.
2:07 p.m. — Keenan Lowe catches a wide-open, four-yard touchdown, his second reception of the drive. I like this Keenan Lowe. He’s a local kid (Portland), he’s young (sophomore), and while he’s undersized (5’9), he gives off a sort of Jordan Shipley vibe when he lines up in the slot. One thing’s for sure, his emergence has dulled the edges of the Josh Huff injury. Oregon 42, TTU 7.
2:15 p.m. — Detroit’s own Dior Mathis gives the Ducks their first pick-six of the season! Nice catch-and-run off a deflection gives Oregon the… Nevermind. He stepped out. I know it’s not replay’s fault, and it’s had zero effect on the season, but Oregon has been almost exclusively on the “Overturned” side of the rulings this season. Or so it seems.
2:17 p.m. — Bryan Bennett, currently in the business of rectifying wrongs, puts the Ducks in the pay-dirt on the next play, rushing for four yards on a designed QB draw. Oregon 49, TTU 7.
2:17 p.m. — I refuse to call this a game. This is a glorified practice, this is a pepperoni-faced 13-year-old working a Pac-Man machine over like it owed him money, this is a plate hitting a china floor, a mongoose playing wack-a-mole. After the initial spectacle of sheer dominance, it gets old real fast.
2:34 p.m. — Oregon missed a mole. Oregon 49, TTU 14.
2:46 p.m. — Bennett jumps the pile for an awesome score. He’s playing better than Mariota was, and he’s doing it with the 2’s. Oregon 56, TTU 14.
2:48 p.m. — Why not try an onside kick? It’s good practice, this game’s over, who cares? I’m not buying the sportsmanship argument. At this point, it’s all practice, and I’d argue that Tennessee Tech’s defense could use as much high-level practice opposition as the offense could.
2:49 p.m. — This game has devolved to the point where it has somehow inspired (exact inspirational origin unknown) a conversation about childhood television shows that translate well. One’s that do: Rocco’s Modern Life, Ren & Stimpy, Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, Doug, Keenan & Kel. One’s that don’t: Rugrats, Disney’s Doug. Up in the air: All That. Also, Brave Little Toaster was a much more traumatic experience for my friends than I had thought. But not Brave Little Toaster 2: The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars. That plot, in which the talking toaster leaves earth and travels to the fourth rock from the sun, was too implausible for our former selves.
3:01 p.m. — Byron Marshall puts another one in for the Ducks, one — no knock on B-Marsh — that I wish would have gone to DAT or Kenjon. Pad the stats, try to book that trip to New York. Oregon 63, Tennessee Tech 14.
3:14 p.m. — Punts, punts, punts. Report from the Shill Side: If Oregon can score one more point (impossible, I know, but three or seven would work too), I’ll move to 2-0-1 this weekend against the spread, with Washington (-26) beating Portland State 52-6 in the third quarter. I’m feeling better than I was after my 1-5 start.
3:19 p.m. — Dior Mathis is getting some Detroit love right now. I spent the last seven months in the D, and I drove by his high school, Cass Tech, damn near every day. One thing to know about Mathis? He’s no joke. Kids from Cass are tough as nails and bad to the fucking bone. Dior Mathis, you’ve got a fan.
3:31 p.m. — And it’s a wrap. Oregon wins by 49 and fails to cover. Again. I jinxed it. Oregon 63, Tennessee Tech 14. Nelson, OUT.